Piggy’s starting that “I’m afraid of monsters” phase, and I really want to just read her a copy of “Go the Fck to Sleep”. I’m short on empathy and even shorter on patience when it comes to my rest, and letting her in my bed is NOT an option. Not only does she snore and kick, but she’s cunning and will say anything if she thinks it’ll let her enjoy my high thread count sheets. What has worked for you? More importantly, what hasn’t? Even if you don’t know kids, what would hypothetically work? I’m open to anything.
A rep from T-Mobile assaulted my character, told me to go to Verizon, then hung up on me. I’ve got an awesome plan with T-Mobile, but this snotbody bastard makes exploring my options seem worthwhile. Thoughts? Speak up, please.
My bridesmaids would be the motliest crew ever. None of their measurements are remotely similar, and they don’t even look like they know each other. I don’t see how Bridezillas try and demand that “one dress, one look” thing. It would never work in my case.
Also, my future hubby wouldn’t have to worry about extravagance or blowing out any budgets (Aldi’s and Payless posts back to back - it’s not a game with my Look for Less game), but he definitely would have to make sure that I stick with whatever theme I choose. I’m too flighty and would blow through dozens of ideas only to get overwhelmed and mentally fatigued, which would lead to procrastination.
Lastly, the food, drinks and music would be amazing. That’s all I can promise, cause the rest of the funds would go towards honeymoonin.
Two-thirds of the time, when someone comes to me with their problems, my answer is “Then tell that btch how you feel”. In an effort to maximize time and find a use for these awesome glitter penz I found on clearance, I’m just gonna start writing that on index cards and passing it out. The glitter will soften the blow of the hard cold truth…and look awesome. I’m a giver, you see.
If you in a chicken shack and ALL the aprons is clean, run with all the energy of your ancestors. It’s probably a front for illegal ass activity, and/or the chicken will be disgusting. Real chicken shacks be one citation away from getting shut the fck down again. Grease, flour, seasonings, grease, chicken-ness, grease, skillets? That sht should be everywhere.
Listen here, mayne, Aldi and Trader Joe’s is first cousins. I’ll go there for some basic staples and come out with some sht fancy as all the fcks. Lemon-ginger sorbet? Blueberry goat cheese? Real ass Swiss/German/Not American Garbage chocolate? Sign me up! And guess what? If you buy some sht that tastes like oppression and slander, then they got a Double Guarantee! That means you get yo money back AND you get a replacement. Who want war?
Piggy’s having a sleepover this weekend, and the apartment is…a wreck. There’s no other way to put it. I’ve kept the kitchen and bathroom clean (I have standards, y’all) but everything else is in shambles. The first problem is that we have, dare I say it, too many clothes. Next up is my tendency to hoard random keepsakes and bits of information like I’m an avid scrapbooker (nope) or sentimental (I reminisce only when it’s time to clean closets, lol). And lastly, I have a tendency to want things out where I can see them, mostly because the whole out of sight, out of mind thing is a little too literal for my taste.
“I wanna be all up in your mind …”
Vulcan mind-meld I’m sure.
Good thing there was the credits at the beginning!
Director: Rubin Whitmore II
I’ll be sure to look for him at Cannes …
+3 points for watching the whole video. I saw it for the first time on Wednesday, despite drunkenly singing along since 2007, and am still overwhemingly underwhelmed.